The bike has sort of been, for several months now, at the same intersection as a few other things in my world. And I remember when my world seemed large and expansive and there were always places to go and things to see and wants to have and needs to fulfill and lists to bucket. For the last couple, it's been more like survival and getting through it and getting by it and dealing with it. Now, I'm feeling more and more this need to get there and move beyond... to have my life back.
So I get this bike and start tearing into it with the same excited and nervous energy of change that I've done in the past a few times before. Really want something bad enough or really need a change bad enough and, well, there you go. Sometimes taking that step towards potential insanity is enough. Sometimes just looking over the edge of that same insanity is enough to make you think twice about it. I guess in my personal life, that step was needed, and despite it's difficulty and the sheerness of that cliff, it was necessary. Jumping was necessary.
And even with the struggles that came from it, they were not a direct result of this decision and so, being more like collateral damage than residual damage, I can somewhat live with that decision, and just deal with what's in front of me now. The real things to fix and make right. Hard decisions have been made and are over with; deal with the real now.
So back to the bike. I've gotta and I'm gonna move beyond the financial things that sort of eat at me and discourage at me, too. And instead, just do it. Excuses be damned and weather and daylight and feelings and the wrong playlist and being out of beer, be damned. As life has taught me of late (and yes, there have also been sermons and there's been advice from friends and of course that voice in my head, too), but I've learned - it's time to get on with it.
I've made some choices lately that will reduce my financial overhead little bits here and some more bits there, and those are things that make getting to sleep at night a little more easily achievable. It's also gonna have the effect of reducing my living quarters quite a bit, and with this new financial outlook also comes losing the garage space, too. I don't necessarily have to lose it, but really it's a bit of all hands on deck and get 'er done kind of mood right now. It's an Everything Must Go Sale, so there's little point in going to third base and not rounding home plate.
And no, I will not make any additional comments of such things in this family forum...
Metaphors aside, I've given myself until August to finish with the garage. Dunno if this is doable and it may be September, but that's only because I may have a trip to Chicago in July and will have a trip to Dallas in August- grand baby time. But anyway, the point is this- I'm getting on with the bike and getting it running soon. I can return to working on it at points in the future since it's not about a deadline or a mantel piece or a bike rally.
It's been that intersection of things going on in my world and it's been something that's become a metaphor for change, and improvement in my life. And a reminder that, even me, can reinvent and become something better than before.
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